Have you ever caught yourself reacting impulsively and thought, “Wait, why did I respond that way?”

Well, good for you—because for a long time, I thought my responses were just fine. If people weren’t so annoying, I’d be a much nicer human. 

After becoming more mindful of my responses I realized something: if I stopped being difficult, other people became less annoying.

Now, I don’t think I was always difficult, but deciding not to meet negativity with more negativity made all the difference. Instead of reacting impulsively in anger, I learned to pause and actively choose not to respond. Over time, I learned to respond more positively. Now, I often get complimented on my patience.

This doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of learning, and often it started small, but the change came about much faster than I expected. For example, when someone honks while I’m waiting to make a turn, I remain neutral. When I started this practice, I focused on not honking back. Then I worked on not replaying a comeback in my mind.

It’s amazing how much calmer interactions have become since I learned how to shift my focus. However, staying neutral doesn’t mean letting everything slide. Boundaries are important (boundaries and recognizing when they are needed is a topic for another day), but I’ve discovered that, more often than not, things improve when I simply don’t respond.

Practicing this awareness is easiest when I’m not face-to-face with someone I know. For me, driving was a great place to start—it’s full of interactions with strangers who don’t even know we are engaging in this exercise. Stores have been another great place to practice patience; for example when someone cuts in line or the cashier is going really slowly.

Once I got the hang of noticing how I reacted in these low-stakes situations, I learned how to bring that same mindfulness into interactions with family, friends, and co-workers—where, let’s be honest, opportunities to pause and figure out a better response are plentiful. From there, I found a way to choose a gentler, more intentional way forward. 

Try it this week with the next honk or long line you face—you’ll be amazed at how calm ends up being the real win.